


How Will I Destroy Josh (Without Fire)?

by MotleyMoose



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV), Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, I'll add the characters/tags as I add additional chapters, Language, M/M, REVENNNNNNGE, but kept far far away until we needed her, fire Fire FIRE, friends doing things for other friends, mental health, spoilers?, that may or may not be illegal, we all need a friend like Chloe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-04 08:50:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11551740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotleyMoose/pseuds/MotleyMoose
Summary: After her wedding disaster, Rebecca calls in a favor from an old roomie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First, I'm sad that Don't Trust The B in Apt 23 is no longer on the air. It was such a delightful show!
> 
> Second, woohoo to season 3 of Crazy Ex Girlfriend!

“Josh Chan must be destroyed.”

“What do you have in mind?”

Rebecca turned to look at her friends, a malevolent gleam in her eyes. “I need my phone.”  
……………..  
June burst into the apartment, nearly dropping the bags of groceries she clutched in her arms. “Chloe! Are there any messages for me?” She bounced to the kitchen, unloading her cargo onto the counter. “Chloe?”

“What is your deal?” groaned the lump on the couch. “I don’t appreciate you shouting at me before noon.”

Glancing at her watch, June arched an eyebrow at the lump. “It’s 4:36. In the _afternoon_. Have you been sleeping here all day?”

The lump wriggled, then out popped a dark mess of hair followed by the rest of June’s roommate’s head, smudged eyeliner and all. “I don’t judge you on your life choices, so don’t judge me on mine.”

“You do. You judge me all the time!” June retorted. Shaking her head at Chloe’s bedraggled form, June continued to unpack groceries. She was rummaging in the fridge in an attempt to find room around all of her roommate’s food for her perishables when Chloe snatched a yogurt from the bag on the floor and, with spoon in hand, proceeded to eat it in front of her frazzled friend. Glaring, June finished unpacking the rest of the bags as Chloe scraped the sides of the yogurt cup with her spoon. “It’s not even useful criticism! Just last night, you told me that you were concerned my personality was contagious!”

“It’s for your own good,” Chloe responded, swiping her finger inside the empty cup before popping the yogurt-covered digit into her mouth.

“Chloe’s right,” Eli, their neighbor across the alley, joined in. “You wouldn’t be where you are today if she wasn’t giving constructive criticism on…” He gestured with a hand in her general direction, “... that.”

Giving Eli the stink eye, June turned her back on the window and glared at her roommate. “Anyway, I need the pin to our landline. I’m expecting a call from that firm I just interviewed with.”

“No can do, sista! That pin is for my eyes only. Besides,” she hopped off the counter and tossed the yogurt cup in the recycling, “you’ve got a cellphone. They can call that.”

Frustrated, June stomped over to the landline and pointed a finger at it accusingly. “See? The little light is blinking!” She squared her shoulders and put her fists on her hips. “Give me the pin, Chloe. My career depends on it.”

Appraising June, Chloe shrugged and waltzed over to her. Picking up the receiver, she eyed her roomie suspiciously, turning so June couldn’t see her dial the pin on the keypad. Still keeping her eyes on June, Chloe stuck her hand out, releasing the phone.

Scrambling for the phone receiver, June just barely caught it before it landed on the hardwood floor. She rolled her eyes at Chloe’s retreating form as she listened to the menu selections and pressed the required buttons to get to the new voicemails.

_”Hiiiiieeee, Chloe? This is Rebecca Bunch. We use to room together at Harvard? Anyway, I was wondering if you were available to come to California? I need some help. If you could just give me a call back, I’m sure we could come to some sort of arrangement! My number is……”_

“Hey, Chloe? I think this message is for you!” June shouted over her shoulder.

Chloe traipsed out of her bedroom. “Who the hell is leaving me messages? If it’s Benny singing to me again, I’m going to find that man and shove this machine down his throat.”

Ignoring Chloe’s tirade, June held the receiver out to her and shrugged. “It’s Rebecca Bunch. She said you use to room together.” She paused, as she studied her roommate. “I didn’t know you went to Harvard.”

It was Chloe’s turn to ignore her roomie as she replayed the message, narrowing her eyes. After a moment, she hung up the phone, a wicked grin on her face as she turned to June. “Pack your swimsuit, we’re going to California.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and Chloe Arrive in West Covina; or The Girls Discuss

Heather drummed the steering wheel impatiently as she waited in the pick-up zone at the airport. It was refreshing to get away from the craziness that was brewing at the house, and she took this moment to drown out the world by blasting Finnish folk music (hell to the yeah, Loituma). Since Josh had abandoned Rebecca at the altar to become a priest (“Once we’re through with him, he’s going to wish he had thought of that _before_ he lost his virginity,” Valencia had growled as they drove back to West Covina. “That fuckboy is going to rue the day he ever messed with us.”), Heather had been as supportive as she could be, supplying all things necessary to help them curb the rage and focus (it was weed, she supplied all the weed).

“I should have taken my meds this morning,” Heather sighed heavily, letting her head bounce off the headrest in rhythm to the music as she stared out the windshield. It was already turning into a long day, and if she had to wait one more minute…

“Uhh, hi? Are you Heather?” asked a perky blonde with huge blue eyes and a nervous smile. She unconsciously gnawed at her bottom lip as she waited for a response.

Raising her eyebrows slowly, Heather turned down the radio and looked to the passenger window, appraising the woman. She was cute in a bubbly Taylor Swift sort of way, her personality practically seeping from her pores. 

_Great, another sparkly optimist._

Heather forced a smile, leaning over the center console. “Yep,” she answered, popping the ‘p’. “Umm… Aren’t there supposed to be two of you?” She gestured vaguely at the stranger.

The small woman straightened up, looking behind her at a taller woman chatting up the parking lot guard. “Chloe’s a little, um… distracted at the moment. She’ll be here soon.”

Heather sighed again. It was already going to be a long ride back to the house, and she wasn’t so sure she was up for all of the cheerfulness and hope the cute blonde newcomer was exuding. Maybe her friend would be a little more down to earth. From the looks of them, Heather had the feeling that these two were cut from different sides of the same cloth and that the ride home was going to be, to put it bluntly, overwhelming. She was going to need her meds today after all…

Shoving her thoughts aside for the moment, Heather pushed a button near the gearshift, popping open the trunk. “You can put your stuff in the back.”  
………………………  
“Don’t get me wrong, this guy Josh needs to pay,” June slurred lightly. A half-empty wine glass sat precariously on the modern rustic coffee table. “But do you <all of our lives.” She gestured wildly to Valencia, Paula and Heather. “He couldn’t commit to Valencia, he caused Paula to abandon her family, and he… he smoked a _lot_ of Heather’s stash!”

Heather held up a hand. “To be fair, I didn’t share the good stuff.”

Rebecca gave Heather a drunkenly wide-eyed look before continuing, “... Right, okay. Yes. So anyway, as I was saying, nothing that we do-”

“-Could ever undo all of the heartache and frustration we’ve endured because of him,” Valencia finished as she gulped the last of her wine. “I mean, seriously. I’ve been with him since _high school_. You would think he would have gotten over his commitment issues by now.”

There was a beat of silence as Valencia retrieved another bottle from the rack. After their glasses were refilled, Chloe, who had been silent for the entirety of the story, leaned forward conspiratorially. “Alright, bitches. What’s strictly off the table in matters of payback?”

A wicked smirk spread across Paula’s face as she glanced to Rebecca. “Well, we were thinking…”

**Author's Note:**

> These two shows are so similar that it wasn't hard imagining Chloe and Rebecca being friends at one point in time.


End file.
